#a single pack that did not have at least one aggressively pink or feminine pair
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... I may need to lay off the binding/high compression for a bit. my chest is not happy.
#I hate that my dysphoria has gotten so much worse since we made the hrt call. like I gave myself permission to acknowledge it in full#and now it's more There than ever.#it's harder with luca back too. he's always been a heavily dysphoric part as well so I think his return to hosting#coinciding with a) unavoidable interaction with the public in a world that views me as a woman because of my hair and voice and chest#and b) accidentally coming out to our friends at school who have been really good about it#I think it's kind of just... been a powderkeg for it getting bad again#I almost cried a week or two ago in walmart because I was looking for boyshort underwear (easiest middle ground in here) and there was not#a single pack that did not have at least one aggressively pink or feminine pair#I'm tired of this and I'm tired of living in a body that is hostile to my attempts to feel somewhat at home in it#I'm tired of this body in general for so many reasons.#anyways. ow.
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